Ben C. O. Grimm

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was a cloud of fine green dust in the room. It wasn't moving at all. It was just *there*, filtering the faint light coming in from the street. I couldn't smell anything out of the ordinary. It didn't even make me cough or burn my eyes. So what had woken me up? Then I heard the sound. Again, most proably. A scraping, dark sound, like a slow beast trying to crawl out of the woodwork. Except that I didn't have any woodwork. It was all concrete in this part of the city, where new boxes were created every single day to accomodate the restless masses who lacked cable and felt a need for bad musicals. At this time of night everything was quiet. Or it was supposed to be. There, that sound again. A memory flash. A small sting. I jumped out of bed immediately. I fell to my knees, pressed my left ear to the ground and started to hum, while clapping my hands behind my back. The light went on. I hate these new switches. I listened hard. I heard the sound for the third time. That was the signal. She was coming over. I felt delighted for a moment. I hadn't seen her in years. I thought about her almost every day, and I ran out of towels regularly. The call of the wild. I snapped out of the reminiscent mood and went into the bathroom. After two short screams and the first line of "Waiting for Godot", the water started to flow. I stepped into the cubicle. A third scream followed shortly thereafter. That activated the hot water as well. I didn't have much time, because I had to prepare for her visit. And that had nothing to do with the vacuum cleaner. Rubbing myself dry, I went back into the bed room. I saw them right away. Two dark shadows just outside my window. The games had begun. I held up a cucumber and whispered "No new taxes". The light went out. I took a few seconds to scribble a memo in the dark. I had to get hold of that architect soon. I liked these new concepts, but all I needed was a house with simple taps and switches. I put on my clothes and shoes. I took the 9 millimeter out of the drawer and put it in my belt. Just before I went outside, I whistled a few bars of 'My bonnie is over the ocean'. It wasn't exactly instrumental to the operation. I was just being romantic. The grass on the lawn was already scorched to a certain degree. Damn. No time to waste. No more songs. More shadows in the distance. A search light caught me for a split second. I ran towards the trees. I hardly managed to evade a transparent balloon filled with sulphuric plasm. It hit the wall of the house just behind me. It trickled down, leaving behind a smoking pinkish layer. They meant business, obviously. Last time I had seen her, we had arranged to meet behind the building site. I made my way there, even though we hadn't been in touch at all since then. But I had always known she would come back to me from time to time, regardless of the danger. Okay. No more daydreaming. The reptiles were on the loose. I could hear them rubbing their dry skins against the trees. Getting worked up to leap at my throat and face. I shivered. When I looked back, I could see the holes in my lawn. More shadows emerged. A small tank-like vehicle drove up to the fence. Just as I was about to run towards the building site, I reflected for a moment. Had I locked the door? Well, never mind, too late now. I couldn't wait to see her again. I ran. After a few minutes, I saw the pale lights of the site. "Mary!", I screamed. No one answered. "Jennifer!", I tried. "Over here!", she said. "Just making sure!", I replied. Her situation was even worse than mine. The shadows were way behind me, but I could see she wasn't exactly safe. I was slightly taken aback by the opposition. The Acid Twins were there. The killer goat, scraping his five legs. Donald Trump bothered me most. What was he doing there? He was walking around with a yellow helmet and a large piece of paper. Ah, I remembered. He financed the building project. A true workaholic. As soon as he saw things were escalating, he left right away. I had seen that coming. "Mister Trump! ", I shouted. He turned around. He looked scared. "W .. what?". "Get yourself another architect!". He drove off without a sound. Meanwhile, the Acid Twins had split up. I hated that. There were four of them now. Jennifer swung at them with a piece of steel. A small helicopter appeared overhead. A ray of light caught her. Shots were fired. Small fountains of dust around her feet. "Get out of there!", I yelled. "Good idea!", she shouted. She raised her thumb. I felt good. Appreciation is so vital to me. One of the reptiles caught up with me. I took out my 9 mm. and shot its head off. Brown goo seeped from its neck. Its body continued to jerk in a repulsive and decidedly un-chic manner. A cloud of dry earth hit my face. Things were getting pretty hairy. They had activated the bats. A swarm of ugly squealing creatures came out of the forest, and they weren't children on their way to the pool. I looked over to where Jennifer was. She was throwing bolts and screws at the Acid Quadruplets. She hit one. He went up in black steam. A truely awful sight. I did manage to smile. Maybe I could repress my thoughts about Jim Carrey now. I remain optimistic in all circumstances. "Grab him!", one of the approaching black shadows whispered. I knew better than to fire a shot at him. That wouldn't harm him. Where was Jim Carrey when I needed him? No, that wouldn't help either. The shadows were already braindead. I needed a mirror. Their reflection killed them. I fired two shots into the air. The approaching bats backed off and took cover in the trees. I managed to shoot three more reptiles, but the shadows kept moving in. Jennifer was still throwing anything she could get her hands on. She was so focused on the Acid Triplets that she didn't see the goat sneaking up on her. I ran from the shadows. Just as the goat was about to urinate on her (which would cause severe burns and a particularly nasty smell), I kicked three of its five legs from under its body. It looked surprised. I briefly explained the concepts of balance and gravity. It keeled over. "Nature's little helper," Jennifer whispered. She was smiling. How I loved her. We found some time to exchange saliva. Then we shook hands. "Give me your purse," I said to her. "Say please," she replied. "Please," I said. No need to be unpolite to her. She handed me the purse. I took out a little mirror and her pepper spray. "Let's get the motherfuckers!!" I yelled, and ran towards the shadows. I didn't hear her behind me, so I looked back. Her face looked puzzled. "What do you mean?", she said. "I mean, how do you know that they actually f.." ... "Just kill them all!!", I shouted. "Oh, okay", she replied. She took out two of the Acid Triplets with one swing of her steel helper. The remaining one broke down in tears. "I'm all alone now!", he yelled. I could see that the situation touched Jennifer deeply. What a caring person she is. She killed him with a brick. "I hated leaving him all alone," she sighed. "You're a doll," I said, and she smiled. I took out the shadows with the mirror. They vanished one by one. Small puffs of acrid smoke. That scared the bats away. They flew right into the blades of the helicopter. It crashed into the trees. Burning kerosene leaked from the wreck, taking out the reptiles. Jennifer and I sat down on a pile of bricks. We enjoyed the spectacle for a minute and stretched out our hands. It was nice and warm. When the reptiles exploded with an unpleasant sound and the brown goo almost rained down on us, we left. One reptile had survived the carnage. It looked lost and bewildered. I took him out with the pepper spray. He turned blue, curled up, and died. "That reminds me," said Jennifer, "do you still have my Sinatra CD?" The small tank was still just outside the gate. A uniformed crew member saw us coming. He waved at us. "Sir," he said, "is there a Seven-Eleven around here? We forgot to bring our ammunition." I said I was willing to tell him, but that I didn't want to see him again. "Oh no, sir," he said, "I've seen quite enough for one night, thank you." "Alright," I said, "take a right turn. It's on Tailhook Street." I unlocked the front door. I had locked it, after all. The house was quiet. The green dust had settled. I saw the expression on Jennifer's face. "No," I said, "not the vacuum cleaner. Tomorrow." She smiled. "You can see right through me," she said. "thanks to that diet on Oprah's show." I offered her a cup of coffee. She declined. "I need to talk to you," she said. I turned around and looked her in the face. "What's up, Jennifer?", I asked. "We have to stop meeting like this," she said. "You're overreacting," I said.

© Ben C. O. Grimm