Ben C. O. Grimm

Oh come on, honey. It's not as if we haven't discussed this before. You know I would do absolutely anything for you. And I have. But where do my feelings come in? Don't I have any say in how I do the things you want me to do? It's such a simple request. Humor me once in a while. Have I ever *ever* let you down? Have I ever disappointed you when you asked a favor of me? Yes, I know about little Jimmy. I was a coward not to go to the hospital with him. I just couldn't face the hospital staff right then. If it would have happened today, I would gladly have entered that hospital with Jimmy and the vacuum cleaner. Without a doubt. But I had an off-day that day. Could have happened to anyone. Yeah, yeah, the dog. I know I couldn't face the vet. Yes, he was very ill, and I realized he had to be put to sleep. But that was my buddy, you see? That dog was like a son to me. Alright, daughter. Are we into semantics here? No, that's not true! I took her for a walk every single day! But I just didn't feel well that month. Okay, I haven't been well for a decade. Do you hold that against me? So I went out to play ball with Mac every night. I had to exercise to get well, didn't I? Oh, you're so mean. I can't believe the things you come up with just to deny me this one simple request. I guess the next thing you'll come up with is ... See, I knew it! Yes, I take full responsibility for that. You know how sloppy my agenda is. I was in church at exactly the right time. You have to grant me that much. It just happened to be the wrong church. And her veil was not exactly transparent. I'm sure no one noticed my black eye later. I was lucky. These Lithuanians can be very violent in matters of honor and family. I only kissed her mother one time. Sheesh. What a hotheaded bunch. How the hell should I have known that "Oops, I'm sorry, I'm outta here" means "Die, marrow of fat yeast" in their language? Your boss had to tell me that. Yeah, let's talk about that too. Why not. I'll go and look for a job first thing in the morning. Afternoon, whatever. Hey, don't blame me for that repetitive strain injury. You're not working three jobs for me, are you? The children need a decent education. Yes, of course I eat. Okay, I eat a lot. Being without a job is not easy, you understand? I think about it all day. That's why I'm so hungry. Are you done now? Have you thought about my request? So maybe I let you down once or twice. You let me down too, you know? Oh, come on. Do you really want me to give you examples? Can't we just skip the subject and move on to .. No? Okay, you asked for it. No, let me think. I'm looking for a good example. I'm sure I will find one. I'm just not full of hatred like you are. I tend to forgive and forget. I don't take notes and I don't scribble spiteful words in my diary. What? No, no, I haven't read your diary. I didn't even now you kept one. Honest. Why would I want to look under your pillow anyway? Ouch! Now calm down! No, I didn't break the lock. Must have been the dog. Oh, it was after the vet. Well, it has nothing to do with me. Ashes between the pages? I didn't know little Jimmy smoked. I'll talk to him tomorrow. Oh, please. Not that again. You're his mother. It's your job to tell him about girls and stuff. You're the expert on that. And I don't think we're too late. He's only seventeen. Where is he anyway? Gone camping with Denise? Little rascal .. takes after his da... Don't rush me! Yes, I'm still thinking. I don't want to come up with some petty incident. Oh, to hell with that. I don't want to hurt you. Yes, alright, I can't think of anything. If that makes you happy. You see? I'm a warm, caring, forgiving person. Now, honey. I will do whatever you want, but I just want you to do this one little thing for me. Yes, I'm well aware of the fact that this bickering isn't exactly the proper way to handle this situation. And I'm sorry. I really am. But I have to ask. Will you please please please take a shower before I go down on you? Pretty please?

© Ben C. O. Grimm